Missions almost impossible
by Suzaku Madoushi
Summary: hahah, we teach some bad asses and we teach some goody goodies, see how we do it up in here....not really...but kind of, just come and laugh ur asses off..rated M for language
1. Badasses, the first son of a Bitch

1SM: Okies dis is a crack fic, lmao, sry this is really a fic done by me and BrokenHeartsBeatOn so if u gots a problem wit dat go FUCK urself, just kidding I'm a bit HIGH at da moment so please disregard that last comment...kind of...

BHBO: WE'RE BOTHE HIGH!LMAO, it's like, midnight, so um...yeah...

SM: AND I JUST (WELL A FEW HOURS AGO) ATE A TWIX BAR!

BHBO: woot woot!

SM: okies! on wit da fic (this fic actually has good grammar, so please don't really thhink it's a crack fic...) Okies, dammit! ITACHI UCHIHA, GET UR ASS OVER HERE!

Itachi: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT, WOMAN!

BHBO: JUST GET THE FREAKING DISCLAIMER OVER WITH!

SM: Yeah, I'm waiting.

Itachi: whatever, bitch, do it yourself!

SM: I SAID DO THE GOD DAMMED DISCLAIMER!

Itachi: -looks desperately around for allies but doesn't have any- oh fine...Suzaku Madoushi and That other bitch doesn't own naruto and kingdom hearts...yet...

SM: it was perfect except for that one part...DO IT OVER!

Itachi: FINE! SUZAKU MADOUSHI AND BROKENHEARTSBEATON(wow, that's long...)DO NOT OWN NARUTO OR KINGDOMHEARTS...

SM: AND?

Itachi:...yet...

SM: we COULD have started the story by now but someone had to be an ass!

Itachi: WTF! you were being the BIOTCH!

SM: THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD!

Itachi: YOU SPEAK NONSENSE ALL THE TIME, WHY THE HELL CAN'T I!

BHBO: SON OF A WIIIIIOOOOTTTCCHH!

BOTH: WTF!

Sasuke: Um, are you guys done messing with the computer?

ALL THREE: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! STFU!

Sasuke:...um...ok...I'll be leaving now, ok?

SM: but you just got here...

BHBO: SM? Lock the doors! Mwuhahahahahahahahahahahaha! HE AIN'T GETTIN OUTTA HERE ALIVE!

-roxas come in after SM locks doors-

ALL (even sasuke): WTF!

Roxas: Hey, what's up?

SM: I JUST LOCKED THE GOD DAMMED DOOR! HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE!

Roxas: oh, I just used the keyblade...

ALL: oh...

Sasuke: oh no, she's eating another twix!

Itachi: grab it before it's to late!

-reach for SM's twix bar, but she ate it all in one bite?-

BHBO: -laughing ass off- you're screwed now

Itachi: how the helll did she eat it in one bite? There are 2 bars...

BHBO: what can I say, she's got a big mouth...

SM: HAHA! MY ULTIMATE SOURCE OF POWER! FEEL THE WRATH OF ME! SUZZAKU MADOUSHI! BOW DOWN TO ME ASSHOLES!

Itachi: assholes? You're the asshole, locking us in here with you!

BHBO : aLToiDS mANgo sOUrS ArE Da BomB ShizzLE yO I Had like 3 MwuHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA bOw DowN to MiNE aNd Sm's PoWER MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa

Itachi: Oh my God! THEY'RE FUCKING DEMENTED! OPEN THE GOD DAMMED DOOR! LET ME OUT!

Sasuke: wow, I never saw an S-ranked criminal scream for his life before. And to think it was two regular teenagers who did it...

ALL: REGULAR!

Sasuke: okay...maybe not so regular?

ItacHI: dammit, sasuke, if you wanna live then help me open the door!

Roxas: OO

SM and BHBO: MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...HAHAHAHAHAHA...HA?

ALL THE BOYS: HELP!

Itachi: OH MY GOD, SOMEONE, GET US OUT!

Sasuke: knock down the fucking door, ass hole!

Itachi: go fuck yourself!

Ssasuke: now is NOT the time!

ALL:...

Sasuke: what? Why Is everyone staring at me for?

Roxas: um, guys, why don't we just-

-SM steals the keyblade and Roxas can't call it back-

BHBO AND SM: MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!MWUHAHAHA,MWUHA?

ALL BOYS: THEY'RE EVIL!

Sasuke: why are we afraid of two dumbass teenagers?

Itachi: don't ask questions like that! Look at them and tell me why!

BHBO and SM: -laughing maniacally-

-BHBO: reaches for altoids and SM eats another Twix bar-

Roxas: It's hopeless there suger high will never end at this rate so long as they have twix and altoids.

SM and BHBO: MWUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA WE ARE THE SUPREME RULERZ OF THE WORLD!MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

-Kakashi walk in from other room manga in hand- Would you all stop yelling it's hard to read with that much noise!

-Itachi runs out door Kakashi came in-

Kakashi: There's no exit in there.-with eye half closed-

SM: u'll never get out alive MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Itachi- wait! If there's no exit in there, than how did you get in!

Kakashi: there's porn in there...

Itachi: OO um...where's the EXIT?

Kaksahi: there isn't one.

Itachi:-bangs head and fist against wall-

Sasuke: -starts digging a hole-

Roxas: what are you doing?

Sasuke: digging my way out, what's it look like I'm doing, Jesse?

Roxas: WHAT THE HELL! MY NAME IS ROXAS, DUMBASS!

BHBO: OSHHOLES

Itachi: SHE'S LOOSING IT EVEN MORE IF THAT'S POSSIBLE!

Kakashi: the only way to get out of here is by doing what anime stars do best -

Itach: oh? And that would be?

Kakashi: reading porn...-reads porn book-

Itach: --;; you are SUCH a hentai freak!

Kakashi: - Thank you.

Itachi: ...

Roxas: -still going on about being called Jesse-

Sasuke: OKAY I GET IT... You're only Jesse according to the end credits.

Roxas: WHY YOU LITTLE!

BHBO: NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'M ALMOST OUT OF ALTOIDS!

ALL BOYS EXCEPT KAKASHI WHO'S READING PORN AT THIS TIME: YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAYYYYY!

SM: I think we've accomplished our mission BHBO

BHBO: later ya'll.

Itachi: WHAT THE HELL! WHAT MISSION! CAN I LEAVE NOW?

SM: No

ALL?

BHBO: Tune in next week for more of us being retarded...with different characters -

SM: please review -

Itachi: WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GET ME THE HELL UP OUTTA HERE?

Kakashi: porn...

Sasuke: I can't wait til next week -

ALL: ...later?


	2. Turn ur kindness into hatred, biotches

1SM: Okies, We back!

-claps from everyone reading-

BHBO and SM: Thank you we missed it to!

BHBO: And we have someone new like we promised...TOHRU HONDA GET UR ASS OUT HERE!

Tohru: Um...yes?

SM: DO THE FRIGGIN DISCLAIMER!

Tohru: Um...ok. They do not own Naruto or Fruits Basket.

BHBO: Don't forget the yet!

Tohru:...um...yet...

BHBO: you must excuse SM for Making out with the 14th Furuba book.

SM: I am not! Just...rubbing my face against it...

BHBO:...

Tohru: OO

SM: What?

BHBO: rubbing your face against it?

SM: ...um, uh...can we move on please?

BHBO: whatever

SM: okies, next caller, please -

BHBO: we're not that kind of show

SM: oh yeah, duh...I just...always wanted to say that

BHBO: What does Tohru have to say?

SM: yeah Tohru! Open your God Dammed mouth, what's it there for? Sucking Kyo only?

Tohru: Um, no...what's that mean?

Both: -laughs hysterically-

Tohru: Oh, um, did I say something wrong? OO

Sm: well, moving on please, next caller.

BHBO: c'mon, not that shit again

SM: sorry, I just miss Itachi...I need to torture someone!

-Sakura walks in-

Sakura: um, Sasuke?

BOTH: MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

-Right before BHBO locks the door Hinata comes in-

SM: Hello, Sakura-chan

BHBO: Sakura-chan?

SM: well, that's what Japanese Naruto calls her, so why can't I?

Tohru:Um, can I leave now?

SM: What! You don't like being in OUR presence!

Tohru: No! It's not that at all, I have to go make dinner for Shigure, Kyo and Yuki, and they're probably worried about me...

SM: What about US?

Tohru: um, I'll stay...

SM: Nice...

Sakura: Hey, I thought Sasuke was gonna be here...

**Inner Sakura: hey where's my Sasuke?**

SM: You're too late, he and the other's had to dig out last show -

Sakura: Dig out? OO

SM: It's a long story...

Hinata: uh, um...what about Naruto?

BHBO: we'll put him in a different one...

ALL except SM??? OO

SM: she means, um, that he was at home safely eating ramen...

BHBO: ...don't be too sure though...

Hinata:...

SM: We're gonna make you into hardcore BITCHES by the end of the show, that means you'll be just like us -

All except BHBO: OO

BHBO: mwuhahaha- we do that a lot, don't we?

SM: yes...yes, I do believe we do...but it's necessary...mwuhahahaha!

Sakura: Um, sure...-laughs nervously-

BHBO: Hey Sakura why don't you get in that machine over there? -Points to a machine that's blue with to tubes that hold people with black smaller tubes and wires connecting them-

Sakura: Why...?

SM: Because you look a lil tense and it a relaxer machine

Sakura: um...Ok -Walks over to the machine and steps inside-

-Machine starts beeping and makes other noises-

Tohru-Is this such a good idea?

BHBO: OH SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU LIL GOODIE GOODIE!IT'S A PERFECT IDEA!

-Machine stops and both tubes open Sakura steps out-

**comeing from inside the other tube: Damnit all this fog is my my clothing damp!**

**-Anonymous walks out of the tube she had Dark pink hair with the same head band her clothes were exactly like Sakura's but where darker then hers-**

**Anonymous-Hi! I'm INNER SAKURA YEA BABY!**

SM: Yes our plan prevails!

Hinata: Your plan was to make a meaner version of Sakura?

BHBO: Actually it's inner Sakura just like what SM has and tries hide but can't around ONLY her friends!

SM: HEY I DO NOT DO THAT!

-BHBO shows Hinata brusies on arm from SM's punches-

BHBO: SEE?

SM:...um...well...THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING AN ASS!

BHBO:Actually I think it's prenounced AOSH! Thank you very much!

SM: WHATEVER BITCH! -HITS BHBO-

-ANIME LUMP FORMS ON BHBO'S HEAD-

SM: IT WASN'T ME I SWEAR!

Inner-Sakura-Oh...Shut the hell up already both of you. Now if Sasuke doesn't come through that door soon I'ma bustin otta here!

SM: YOU BETTER CALM DOWN BITCH BEFORE YOU GET YO ASS SLAPPED. A'IGHT?

Sakura: Hey You...um...SM Where the hell is my Sasuke and if you joke I will friggin slit your throat!

Inner-Sakura:Hell yea There ya go!

SM: BITCH! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? DON'T FUCK WITH ME! OH AND COME TO THINK OF IT I FUCKED SASUKE LAST NIGHT BITCH SO YOU CAN FORGET HIM RUNNING TO YOU, EVER! GO TO HELL!

BHBO: Hey Tohru, Go get some ice!

Tohru:...Why?

BHBO: For that MAJOR BURN!

SM: YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT, BITCHES! -high fives BHBO-

Tohru: thinks(Maybe if I want to get out I have to become a hardcore um...b-b-bitch) says OH Now it's 3rd degreee!

SM: woah, is that Tohru?

Tohru: HELL YEA!

SM: I think it's almost mission complete...we made Tohru into a bitch! Now for -tuns head- HINATA!

Hinata: OO -RUNS-

SM: oh, no you don't -grabs- YOU'RE GONNA BE LIKE US WETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! I'm a special kind of bitch, though, so you might not be as good a bitch as me, but hey, you need to show Naruto how kick ass you really are.

BHBO:Seriously Naruto's neva gonna notice you if your always so shy and quiet...

Hinata: -Blushes-OK SHUT THE H-H-HELL UP DON'T EVER TALK ABOUT N-N-NARUTO LIKE T-T-THAT!

BHBO:Good job for usually being so Friggin shy and quiet -Give hinata a high five-

BHBO: Hey SM?

SM: Yea?

BHBO: I think we completed our job!Should we let'em go!

SM: Not Just yet! Tell me what you've learned, my fellow biothes...wait no, you don't deserve to be biotches just yet, I'm a biotch...you're not ready...you can only be bitches...right BHBO?

BHBO: RIGHT!We're gonna put you through some tests!

SM: -Walks up to Sakura (inner-Sakura's in the corner watching with ammusement)- Sasuke fucked me every night this week dissin you the entire time!

Sakura-YEA RIGHT HE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN WITH YOU CAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE BRUNETTES AND CAUSE HE WAS WITH ME EVERY NIGHT AND MOST OF THE TIME NEVER WENT HOME!

SM: Is that all you got! I fucked him AND Itachi at the same time, now what?

Sakura:...-GASP-...OH NO HOE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT! YOU SLUT GOING AROUND I BET SASUKE PAID YOU TO FUCK HIM AND ITACHI WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT A HOT GIRL LOOKED LIKE IF IT GAVE HIM A BLOW JOB!

SM: Um...the first part wasn't a burn, about Sasuke paying me...yeah...I like money that much..anyways, the part about Itachi was definitely indeed, a burn...good job, although, I'M NOT TAKING THAT GOD DAMMED CRAP FROM SOMEONE WHO GIVES LEE A BLOW JOB IN FRONT OF NARUTO IN A HALLWAY WITH KAKASHI TAPE RECORDING IT! BITCH! Hm, I think I proved my point...yeah...-bitch slaps Sakura- You are now a BIOTCH, congradulations asshole, now get the hell in the corner!

BHBO-walks up to Tohru-I fucked Kyo, Haru, Shigure, AND yuki! AT THE SAME Time and all of them wheren't missin you AT ALL! they even dissed your cooking!

Tohru: ...OH HELL NOW DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT...they said they love my cooking -sniffles a lil-THEY WOULD NEVER SAY THAT BITCH DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT ESPECIALLY ABOUT YUKI he's senitive AND KYO EVEN IF YOU PAID HIM WOULDN'T LET THE LIKES OF YOU TOUCH HIM!AND HARU HAS TO MUCH PRIDE TO EVEN WANT TO HUG YOU!

BHBO:FOR YOUR INFORMATION AFTERWORD BOTH KYO AND YUKI SAID THEY REALLY ONLY WANTED TO TOUCH YOU WITH A NINE AND A HALF FOOT POLE AND EVEN THAT'S A LIL TO CLOSE AND HARU SAID HE HATES YOUR GUTS!

TOHRU: I THINK YOU MISHEARD THEM SAY YOU PLUS SHIGURE IS A PERV SO IT'S NOT LIKE I CARE WHAT HE DOES OR SAYS AND ANOTHER THING KYO DOESN'T LIKE PUNKS! AND YUKI IS TO POLITE TO SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT!

BHBO: AND BY THE WAY AKITO IS TAKING AWAY YOUR MEMORY AND NO I HEARD THEM DISINCTIVELY SAY TOHRU SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND YUKI ACTUALLY SAID TOHRU THAT BIOTCH! Congrats you are now a biotch!

SM: Good job BHBO, now onto you, Hinata...yes...the little asshole who always act innocent, but she really likes her cousin...hm, Neji, was it? Yeah..the Hyuuga rejects, I like it...

Hinata, oh, um, Neji and I aren't- I mean, UM...NEJI AND I AREN'T DATING, SO-SO, BACK OFF! GOT IT MEMORIZED?

SM: Hm, points gained for catch phrase...hm, well there wasn't much of a burn, but I think you have gained enough confidence to kick Naruto's mother fucking ass! (note: inside burn, find it b4 Hinata does)

Hinata:...oh, um...(well, here it is if you haven't found it, you losers didn't even try! Go back and reread it!) Wait! NARUTO IS NOT A M-MOTHER FUCKER...HE'S A NICE-

SM: Let me stop you right there, Naruto isn't nice, he's just dense in a sad annoying way.

Hinata: HE IS NOT! NARUTO IS BETTER THAN SASUKE! AT LEAST HE HAS A HEART! NARUTO CARES, AND ALL THE OTHER BOYS CAN KISS MY ASS!

SM: H-Hinata?

Sakura: OH NO YOU DID NOT JUST DISS MY MAN! GO TO HELL HYUUGA!

Hinata: IF I'M LOOKING AT YOU I'VE ALREADY BEEN THERE TWICE OVER, YOU LITTLE SLUT!

Sakura: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!

Hinata: I KNOW WHO I AM, BUT MAYBE YOU NEED AN IDENTITY CHECK CAUSE YOU SURE AS HELL AREN'T SAKURA!

Sakura: WHAT? I AM NOT TAKING THAT FROM A LITTLE- both keep arguing forever (note: haha, you don't get to see what Sakura calls Hinata! BURN!)

Sm: well, I guess It's graduation time, right, BHBO?

BHBO: see ya soon fo another episode - we-ll write more tomorrow...maybe..

SM: Now: GET THE HELL AWAY FROM OUR GOD DAMMED COMPUTER ROOM! YOU AIN'T PAYIN DA BILL IF ANYTHING GET'S DAMAGED, SO YOU DON'T EVEN DESERVE TO BE IN OUR PRESENCE! LEAVE BITCHES! oh, and please review -

BHBO-mouths behind hand-mood swings -then rotates hand beside head and points to SM- later

SM: I SAW THAT!


End file.
